I would like to wish all my friends and blog readers a safe, happy and fun St. Patrick's Day.
As a dog who comes from a long line of good Irish stock, I will of course be celebrating my heritage by participating in the wearing of the green, (bandana that is).
Since I'm still young of age I won't be doing any heavy drinking or fighting this year, but I wouldn't mind sinking my snout into a nice hot plate of corned beef, if only I could get some.
Mom had to take a trip to China this week so unfortunately she'll miss spending the holiday with dad. From what I'm told, they don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day in China, but if they did, I'm sure their version would be inexplicably weird.Just try to Imagine what a Chinese Leprechauns might look like.
The very thought of such a thing frightens me.
I must admit, I don't know much about this Saint Patrick fellow, except that he somehow managed to drive all the snakes out of Ireland. A formidable amount of work for an Irishman. Now if only someone could drive the snakes out of Washington we'd all have something to celebrate, but enough about Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer.
Seriously though, this holiday is all about having a good time, and that's just what I intend to do, have a good time.
So dare I say: break out the green, pour yourself a pint, open a box of lucky charms, and let's all join in and singing ourselves a good Irish song about drinking and dying and let the good times roll.
And while you're having a good old time, remember to raise your glass and give a toast to all our troops serving in the middle east, where a pint of Guinness is still a rare and beautiful thing.
Now, just for fun I've included a few Irish jokes.
I didn't write any of these so spare me the scolding if they happen to offend you.
Please keep in mind, they're just jokes, .... And I am just a dog.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY TO ALL !!!
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled:
"Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do that?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
"Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do that?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
Darn! There goes another one!"
Two Irishmen were walking home after a night at the pub when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked up the head and held it to his face and said to Paddy
"Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied
"No Sean was taller than that."
"Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied
"No Sean was taller than that."
The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney.
I think it must be the drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
I think it must be the drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.
The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying
"Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly say a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Oh for goodness sake, why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying
"Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly say a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Oh for goodness sake, why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced,
"O'Sullivan, fencing."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this.
You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.
The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced,
"O'Sullivan, fencing."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this.
You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.
To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,
'' may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.''
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies:
'' no tanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!''
Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.
To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, whom exclaims,
'' may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.''
The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies:
'' no tanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!''
1 comment:
A Jewish father was worried that his son was unemployed and stayed out all night. He went to his Rabbi and the Rabbi said, "Go home and lay 3 things on the table. A stack of money, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey. When your son comes home, if he picks up the money, praise the Lord, because he is going into business. If he picks up the Bible, praise the Lord, because he is going to become a Rabbi, but if he picks up the whiskey lament, because his is spending his nights in drunken debachery." The father did as told and waited for his son's return. His son came home put the money in his pocket, picked up the Bible and the bottle and started to read the Bible and drink the whiskey. "Oh my God," cried the father, "he's going to be an Irish priest!!!"
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